...I've been feeling like this lately:
This coming from the girl who's name tag at Barnes & Noble read "Mellencholy". (True story.)
For years and years I've been purchasing and reading books that all essentially preached the same message: retrain your brain to think positively, and positive things will come to you. Its basically "The Secret" but in a much less commercialized, much less annoying package. The law of attraction is a real thing, for sure. I've just never been able to get it.
I still can't say I've gotten it, but I'm definitely on a positive roll. I think this might actually be the first time I can say "I love my life" with confidence. Really. I can feel my attitude changing and its CRAZY. Maybe I won't always be the semi-jaded, overly cautious chick. Its definitely been an incredibly long road to get to this point, and I've hit some major bumps. I think that maybe instead of just ideas, I'm starting to see a future materialize.
When I was an actress, I know I let that define so much of who I was. There was no doubt it completely controlled my emotions and my feelings of worth. Even when I finally realized how unhappy I was doing it, it took a very long time for me to stop feeling guilty, like I'd failed and that I was somehow "wasting" talents I'd been given. But here's the thing - I know it was the best decision for me. I had a lot of fun, and then it was time to get real. I hate to admit it, but sometimes when I think about my former life, I just feel embarrassed. I don't necessarily have any regrets....its just that I didn't have to self-awareness to understand that I was going against my nature. I was never built for that life.
I'm absolutely loving my nutrition school, and the information I'm receiving is already changing me - which is great, because if I'm a health coach, I want to look and live the part! I just started a job at The Container Store, which is SO effing SWEET. I never could have imagined that a retail store could be so different in its approach to both its business and employees. I'm excited and thrilled to be working there. Maybe someday I will redesign your closet.
On the workout front, things are great. I'm seeing changes in my body and that is always encouraging. I'm not even going to weigh myself anymore. I'm just going to let myself feel good about how I feel and clothes fitting differently. That's enough for me. I've started doing regular Zumba classes at the Y, which are hilarious and effective. Amazingly there are some moves I look good doing, and then there are others that I just look like a crazy white girl. Its my damn long legs....my center of gravity is too high!! I could fall over at any moment.
Happy happy happy. Happy thoughts, happy things. I just feel grateful. I know 2012 is set up to be one of the best years of my life. And you know what else? I've been married for six months today. :)
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| THIS guy. |
Awesome!
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